Wow, I read all the things that wrote and I still can't believe that i came a long way from where I was at in my life. It don't hurt as nuch to talk about her and to tell people that I had a miscarriage. I do wake up in the middle of the nights crying for her and telling myself that I will soon have another chance at life with my sweet baby gurl. I like to think that she is in a bette rplace. Maybe i wasn't ready and dat.... No, I want to do dat to myself I would have been a great mother to my baby no matter wat people say. But I wonder will I ever stop hurting from losing something so wonderful. I want a baby more than anything in this world. But I will wait until that day.

I HEARD FROM OTHER PEOPLE THAT IM SUPPOSE TO HURT BUT IM SUPPOSE TO GO ON WUTH MY LIFE.. BUT IT HURTS SO BAD. I EVEN WANTED TO KILL MYSELF TO JUST THE BLOOD BLEED OUT OF ME JUST TO MAKE IT STOP. THE PAIN AND TO END MY LIFE. I SEEN MY FRIEND WHO WAS RAPE AND THE ONE THAT I WAS THEIR FOR THE WHOLE TIME. SHE HAD HER BABY AND SHE LOVE HIM SO MUCH EVEN THOUGH HE WAS MADE FROM PURE EVIL. SHE LOVED HIM DESPITE WHO IS FATHER IS. IT HURTED SO BAD TO BE THEIR WHEN SHE GAVE BIRTH. IT WAS TO BE GIVING BIRTH TO A HEALTHY BABY GIRL. IT WAS SUPPOSE TO ME NOT HER. I HATE HER FOR THE BABY SHE GAVE BIRTH TO, BUT I LOVE HER FOR BRING IN SOMETHING SO PURE IN THIS WORLD. I LOVE THE CHILD AS IF ITS MINE. BUT I HURT WHENEVER SHE ASK ME TO HOLD HIM, BUT I LOVE THAT HE IS APART OF MY LIFE. IT SOUNDS WIERD BUT THATS HOW I FEEL.I MISS HER, SO MUCH. I ACTUALLY STILL FEEL HER INSIDE OF ME SOMETIMES. I STILL HAVE MEMORIES. WHEN THE FIRST TIME I REALIZE I WAS PREGNANT I THOUGHT U WAS GOING TO DIE, BUT THEN I GOT GLAD. I WAS HAPPY.

I HAD WENT THOUGH THINGS THAT PEOPLE WOULDNT EVEN THINK OF. MY FRIEND BEING RAPE, HER RAPIST THE FATHER OF MY CHILD, AND A MISCARRIAGE WAS WHAT I WENT THROUGH LAST YEAR. I HAD SO MANY HOPES AND DREAMS FOR ME AND HER, MY BABY THIS YEAR, BUT IT SEEMS LIKE IT WILL NEVA HAPPEN. I WENT TO C MY DAUGHTER, WENT TO HER GRAVE SIGHT. ... IM SRY. JUST A LIL TEARS. WOW, WHAT A YEAR FOR ME. I TRY TO MOVE ON BUT ITS NOT WORKIN I HAVE TO FORGET AAND I TRY TO FORGET. BUT THEN HOW CAN YOU FORGET U WAS PREGNANT. HUH? HOW? IM SO STUPID TO THINK I WAS GOIN TO HAVE A BABY N HAVE A WONDERFUL LIFE. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. I CANT WRITE NOW. I CANT DO IT [[

I went through something that no one should go through. I had to go through a christmas that I wanted to share woth my baby but I couldn't. Everyone was so nice but they gave nothing but pity. Someone in the family didn't know what happen to my baby. They had brought baby gifts and everything,but they seemed so happy. When I open it, I couldn't help but cry. I wanted to die. I wanted to give up because I couldn't take it anymore. I had to fight something wouldn't let me give up. I left the room just wnet into the room and held my stomach so tight hoping just feel smething. Just feel where she was inside of me for a short period of time. I had to forget. I had some many memories. I have the painful ones that hurt the most. If I don't think about will it ever stop hurting. Just to push the thought aside. Never ever remembering that I was pregnant, but I had a miscarriage.If I don't think about will it stop. Would the tears stop falling. Will it finally stop. I go to school and I hear them whispering about my baby and about the tape that happen to my friend. I couldn't deal with all of this and that. So tell me what is the point of living?

WHEN YOU LOSE A BABY WHAT CAN YOU DO BUT TRY TO GO ON AND TAKE EACH DAY AT A TIME CAN YOU JUST KEEP LIVING. AND HOPING THAT YOU WILL WAKE UP IT ALL BE A DREAM BUT YOU CAN'T. YOU HAVE TO COME TO TERMS OF WHAT HAVE HAPPEN. BUT I WAKE UP EVERYDAY AND LOOK IN THE FACES OF MY FAMILY AND SEE ALL THE CONCERN AND THE PITY THEY HOLD FOR ME. I CAN'T DO NOTHING BUT WANT TO CRY AND TELL THEM GO TO HELL. BUT WHAT KIND OF PERSON WOULD DAT MAKE ME. A EVIL HOE OR A PERSON IS HURTING SO BAD WHERE SHE HURTS THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE HER. WHAT DO? I CRY AND HOPE THAT NO ONE HEARS THE FALLING OF MY TEARS OR THE PAIN THAT FELLS MY HEART THAT SCREAMS SO LOUDLY, BUT IM THE ONLY ONE WHO HEARS. I TRY TO FORGET BUT I CAN'T. I TRY TO MOVE ON BUT I CANT. IT AS IF I CAN STILL FEEL HER IN MY HEART, BUT I CAN'T. SO TELL ME WHATS WRONG.......... WITH ME?